Saturday, January 26, 2008

Being a mom

My most fabulous and very talented friend Kim has asked"

"How about telling us a bit about what it's like for you to be a mom? "

If you look here and here you will see the of our journey to parenthood. Let's just sum it up by saying that it was not easy.

I still sometimes catch myself looking at him and thinking "Really, he's ours, for keeps?" I can hardly believe and it's been 5 years. I can't really remember what we did before we had him. He has brought so much joy, laughter, tears, meaning etc. to our lives.

I really never knew that you could love someone so much. I mean, I love my husband and parents with all my heart but there is something about the love I feel for my son that I can't explain. It's an all consuming kind of love. It's a "my heart just my burst if it grows much more in love with you" kind of love. For me, this was an instant thing. I didn't know for sure how I would feel because we adopted but all of the doubt just melted away when they put him in my arms. I knew he was the one I had been waiting for. It also amazes me how the "mama bear"comes out so quickly if I feel that he's threatened. What is this thing that makes me feel that I could easily claw someones eyes out if they hurt him?

Sometimes, I just pray that I'm not messing him up to badly. He's on to the fact that I'm not perfect and has seen the worst of me. I hope he can forgive my shortcomings.

I hope someday he can understand just how much he's brought to my life. What a sense of purpose he has given me. I would hazard to guess that day won't come until he holds his own child.

I could cry when I think about what his life would have been like with his transient birthmother. I'm so thankful she entrusted him to us. I hope he never feels that he wasn't wanted because there are not 2 people in the world that wanted him more than his daddy and I.

I could go on and on about what it means for me to be a mom. I will just finish with saying that I am so thankful that Heavenly Father blessed me with him. He is mine. I can feel it. He was meant for us. I'm blessed beyond measure and my heart is full.


Yvonne said...

What a beautiful post. I'm so glad Kim asked that question.

I remember your story--it was so touching. You are an amazing mom. He is blessed to be loved so much. I'm so happy you all have each other.

Nancy Face said...

Oh Tonya, this was so sweet and wonderful to read! Your son is very blessed to be so loved and cherished by his parents! :)

Elaine said...

Tonya, this post made me think of this months visiting teaching message..."A woman who treasures motherhood on earth will treasure motherhood in the world to come, and ‘where [her] treasure is, there will [her] heart be also’ (Matthew 6:21). By developing a mother heart, each girl and woman prepares for her divine, eternal mission of motherhood. …" don't you love that??!! You are a wonderful mother, I can tell. Your thoughts struck a chord within me, thanks for sharing.

Kimberly said...

That was a beautiful, beautiful post, Tonya. Thank you.

Ames Family... said...

You have me bawling here Tanya... adoption is so close to my heart- I never knew Blake was adopted... I just loved your story. It is so special. I have a sister who was adopted (through my cousin) and my other sister is in the process of adopting from Ethiopia right now. I truly believe Heavenly Father places spirits where they belong and that each child is under his watchful care. What a wonderful story- you are amazing!

Melissa said...

You are such a great mom! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings! I agree with nancyface - your son is so lucky to have you for his mom!!

Corrine said...

he won't ever have to question your love and wanting if you let him read this post! sweet words!