My most fabulous and very talented friend Kim has asked"
"How about telling us a bit about what it's like for you to be a mom? "
If you look here and here you will see the of our journey to parenthood. Let's just sum it up by saying that it was not easy.
I still sometimes catch myself looking at him and thinking "Really, he's ours, for keeps?" I can hardly believe and it's been 5 years. I can't really remember what we did before we had him. He has brought so much joy, laughter, tears, meaning etc. to our lives.
I really never knew that you could love someone so much. I mean, I love my husband and parents with all my heart but there is something about the love I feel for my son that I can't explain. It's an all consuming kind of love. It's a "my heart just my burst if it grows much more in love with you" kind of love. For me, this was an instant thing. I didn't know for sure how I would feel because we adopted but all of the doubt just melted away when they put him in my arms. I knew he was the one I had been waiting for. It also amazes me how the "mama bear"comes out so quickly if I feel that he's threatened. What is this thing that makes me feel that I could easily claw someones eyes out if they hurt him?
Sometimes, I just pray that I'm not messing him up to badly. He's on to the fact that I'm not perfect and has seen the worst of me. I hope he can forgive my shortcomings.
I hope someday he can understand just how much he's brought to my life. What a sense of purpose he has given me. I would hazard to guess that day won't come until he holds his own child.
I could cry when I think about what his life would have been like with his transient birthmother. I'm so thankful she entrusted him to us. I hope he never feels that he wasn't wanted because there are not 2 people in the world that wanted him more than his daddy and I.
I could go on and on about what it means for me to be a mom. I will just finish with saying that I am so thankful that Heavenly Father blessed me with him. He is mine. I can feel it. He was meant for us. I'm blessed beyond measure and my heart is full.