Friday, September 28, 2007

Hard to say goodbye

Today was my last day with Cerner. To say it was bittersweet would be an understatement. I couldn't help but get teary as I went to each person and said goodbye. I have grow up a lot during my time there. So much as happened in the last 7 1/2 years. These people saw me through losing both of my parents, my infertility, adopting Blake and and his subsequent surgery and so many more things. I know that I'll see lots of them again but I know that there will be some that I won't. I will take something from each of them.

Now to look forward to my next big adventure. I start on Monday. My friend that works there is going to meet me and we'll ride in on Max (our mass transit train) together. Wish me luck.

Now I know what they mean when they say "Parting is such sweet sorrow"

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Our journey to parenthood Part 2

Part 1 is here

I joined the church (a whole other story) in March of 2002 so that would have been close to six years that we had been trying. We decided that we would start looking into adoption. Private adoption through an agency was way outside our budget so we started looking at it through the state. The first thing you do is take a 6 week set of classes. We started the classes and in July of 02 we heard from my mom that one of my second cousins by marriage was pregnant and didn't want the baby. We were hopeful but knew that she was flakey so we didn't give it much more thought. About the 4th week into the classes we got a phone call. It was from the cousin I mentioned earlier. She said that she was pregnant and already had a 18 month old that she couldn't take care of, would we like to adopt the baby. I didn't skip a beat when I said "Yes, we will get an attorney tomorrow and give you a call" We did just that. First we called an attorney here in Oregon and he said that we would need an attorney in Kansas (where the birth mom lived) He helped us find one and we went from there.

We found out that our child was due sometime in November. We talked to the birth mom often and my sister who also lives in Kansas even let her stay with her towards the end and they would send pictures of her and ultrasound pictures of the baby. To say we were excited would have been a huge understatement. We found out that the baby was going to be a boy. My first thought was "a boy, I don't know what to do with a boy" then hubby said "Hello, I'm a boy, I might know a thing or two" LOL We couldn't believe it. Everything went very smoothly. We went through all the legal hoops. We made plans to be there for the birth. We had plane tickets in hand, set to arrive November 12 and she would be induced November 13th.

And then, the unthinkable happened. My dad passed away on November 11th. It was a total surprise and really could be it's own post. I was floored to say the least. My dad lived in Oklahoma at the time. We had to change our flights for the next day to arrive in Oklahoma instead of Kansas. We couldn't have the induction date changed, it was time for our son to be born. All I could do was send Tim to Kansas while I stayed in Oklahoma and buried my father. He didn't want to leave me as you can imagine but I made him. I wanted one of us to be there when our son was born. We gave new meaning to divide and conquer.

So, on the 13th of Nov, hubby left and went to be with the birth mom as she was induced. I stayed with the majority of my family and of course my mom. Hubby called me frequently as the labor progressed. I was trying to sleep on and off and at 1:00 a.m. on the 14th of November I got a phone call that our son was almost here. I stayed on the phone and heard the birth mother pushing and then I heard my husband say "He's here" I waited for what seemed like hours to hear his first cry. By this time, my mom and sister were awake and we were all listening and crying. Tears of joy, tears of sorrow, all mixed together. Tim got to cut the cord. I stayed on the phone with him for awhile just completely blown away. As you can imagine I didn't sleep much that night. Knowing that my son had been born and I was 4 hours away. Later on the 14th of November, I buried my father. One of the hardest things that I've had to do in my life. Right after the graveside service, my sister and brother-in-law were waiting to take me to meet my son. That was the longest 4 hour car ride of my life.

Mere words can't describe the feelings that I was having as we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Around 18 hours had passed since he came into this world. I was sure my heart would pound out of my chest as we rode up in the elevator. So many emotions swirling around in my head. So many things had happened in the last few days. As the elevator doors opened I thought that I might break out into a dead run. I knew that in a few short feet, I would meet my son for the first time. I could hold my husband, we would be a family at long last. I see Tim standing in the door waiting for me, holding what looks like a nicely wrapped, rather large burrito. Time stops as I see his face for the first time. Tears stream down my face as Tim places him in my arms and says "Here he is mom, your son". I can hardly see through the tears. Any doubt or fear that we might not bond was instantly gone. I knew that without a doubt this child was meant for us. As sure as if he had come out of my body, Heavenly Father sent him to me. This perfect little boy, all ten fingers and all ten toes. I wept tears of joy, tears of sorrow (for my father) , tears of relief, tears of exhaustion. Never had I thought you could have all these emotions at the same time.

We were able to stay with him in the room and before we left the hospital the papers had been signed by the birth mom. We had to stay in Kansas for 10 days until all the legal mumbo gumbo had been taken care of. The first few nights out of the hospital we stayed in a hotel. Just the 3 of us getting to know each other. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. Could he really be ours? Did someone make a mistake? You mean we get to keep him?

The paperwork was finalized in February of 03. He was officially ours. What a ride the last nearly 5 years have been. I love being a mom. I feel blessed to be his mother. He is a vibrant, loving, funny, extremely active, curious, outgoing, fearless, stubborn (must get that from his dad) little being and I am humbled that Heavenly Father entrusted him to our care.

I used to think that a woman was defined by her ability to bear children but I now know that giving birth is just the beginning of being a mother. It's much much more than that. I'm thankful to have been given the chance. I'm thankful to a young mom that realized that she couldn't handle it and gave us this most precious gift. Look up grateful in the dictionary, my picture will be there.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Our journey to parenthood Part 1

Thanks to Carrie for the idea to post about this.

It all started in the year 1971 when a little girl named Tonya was born. Oh wait, maybe that's a little to far back. How about this. It all started when a boy named Tim and a girl named Tonya were married at tender ages of 21.

Like most people that age, we thought we knew it all and had a plan for when we would have children. We decided we would wait until we were 25 (we are the same age only 2 months apart) to start try to get pregnant. As scheduled somewhere in our 25th year we started trying. And as with most things that are scheduled, we soon found out that life doesn't always turn out as you plan it.

The first year went by and while we were discouraged we were still very hopeful. We started our first type of fertility treatment which was for me to take Clomid. Another year went buy with nothing. By this time we were dumbfounded. What was going on here? Didn't God know that all my life I wanted to grow up and be a mommy. Sure, I might have to work to help support the family but my family and being a mom would always come first. Why could all these people around me get pregnant? Why could the drug addict on the street pop out as many kids as she wanted? What was wrong with me? What had I done to deserve this?

At this point we started seeing a fertility specialist. We went through a few different treatments (I'll spare you the details) Still nothing. The next year or two were a blur. I underwent laparoscoptic surgery to find out what was broken in me. Much to my surprise I had a pretty significant case of Endometriosis (again, I'll spare you the details) Let's just say that it prevents things from working like they should. The surgeon did what she could to remove as much of it as she could. We left with renewed hope that we could be successful now. Another year goes by and the fertility treatments were getting more intense. By this time, I was injecting myself with hormones and Tim was even giving me a shot every couple of weeks. I had to go in several days a week to have blood drawn to find out when I was "ripe" for the treatments we were doing.

One day, I was getting my blood drawn and they came at me with the needle and I just lost it. I was sobbing. I couldn't stand getting stuck even one more time. Now as a side note, I used to be a Phlebotomist (a.k.a. vampire, blood sucker, the one who draws the blood) so there were many times when I was the Guinea pig for a new person learning to draw blood. I had never been afraid of needles. I was pretty tough, if I do say so myself. I had just had enough of being poked and prodded. Not to mention the fact that my hormones were raging with all the different treatments. Tim looked at me at this point and said "Enough is enough we're taking a break." So we did. We stopped all the treatments, the hormones, the drugs. It was a relief really. Don't get me wrong, I was still angry/mad/frustrated/hurt etc. It was just a relief to not be thinking about if for five seconds. It had consumed my every waking moment for 4 years. At some point, not sure of the timing, I went to have a treatment for the Endometriosis, not to get pregnant but because it is very painful and I hoped that I could "cure" it. The treatment was horrible. Essentially I was put into menopause for 6 months. Tim deserves a medal for putting up with me through this. First, I was pumped full of hormones for several years and then they took them all out of me in a very short period of time. To say that I was unstable would be a understatement. There was some hope that the last treatment would help but it was not to be.

To be continued......

Thank you

Thank you all so much for the great advice and encouragement. I think I just need to remember why I started this blog. I'm horrible at journal writing and wanted to have some kind of record of our lives together. The good, the bad and the ugly. No more pressure to try to witty or insightful or whatever it is that I think I need to be. I am just going to be me. At least I know that I can do that :o)

Thursday, September 20, 2007

How do you guys do it?

How do you come up with something clever, profound or thought provoking every day? Is it the writer in you? Do you see the world in a different light? I have all these thoughts running around in my head and I can never figure out how to get them out in writing. People have always told me that I have the gift of gab. I can talk to anyone about just about anything. Unfortunately, I can't seem to translate that to into writing. I'm hoping that keeping up this blog will help me with this. So....if you have any tips and tricks please let me know. Is there anything that you want to know about me? Any burning questions that you are dying to ask the newbie on the block?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Pictures as promised

Sister Missionaries, Hubby and I
My "adopted" brothers, hubs and I

Hubbys parents and us

Monday, September 17, 2007


3 little letters but that just about sums it up. This weekend was wonderful. It was one of the most spiritual things that I've had the pleasure of being involved with. Hubby was simply shining with a light from within and frankly he still is. It brought back all the memories of my own special day.

There were so many people (90 to be exact) that came to support him and welcome him to the ward. We had to have the service part of it in the chapel instead of the font room. The party afterwards was great and had a great turnout as well. I didn't stop to count how many people but there were a lot. Hubby was truly touched by the outpouring of support. He was just floored that so many people cared. My friends from Utah have been to my ward several times but they always make a point to mention what a wonderful ward we have. I couldn't agree more.

I wish that I could put into words how special this weekend was. It was all I ever hoped for and more. Now on to the more difficult part of enduring to the end but I know that it will be much easier now that I have a partner to help me through. Now with hopeful optimism, I look forward to a year from now and the temple.

Thank you to everyone for your support and encouragement.

P.S. I left my camera at my friends house so you'll have to wait for pictures. I'll hurry :o)

Friday, September 14, 2007

As of tomorrow at about 4:20 p.m. My hubby will be the newest member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (well, officially it will be Sunday when he's confirmed but it's close enough to count). He's really excited and so am I. It will be good to see my two older brothers (not by blood but I adopted them just the same) who introduced me to the church. They were here for my baptism 5 1/2 years ago and then when I went through the temple and now for my hubby's baptism. I hope they will get to make it a family vacation in September 08 when hopefully we'll see them again when we "seal" the deal. I think about the last 6 years of my life and marvel at the changes/miracles that the Lord has brought to pass in my life and I truly Stand all Amazed. Anyone sick of really sad puns yet?

I will officially start my new job/exciting adventure/country bumpkin goes to the city on October 1st. I smell a reality TV show in the making. It's a big change but I think it's the right thing for me.

By the way, we decided to go for the cookies/lemonade right after the baptism at the church and then a chili dog feed at a friends house after to celebrate.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

My first MEME

Okay, so I stole this MEME from Melissa C but it just looked so fun so I had to.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car),
Icky Explorer
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie),
Udderly Chocolate Chip
3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal),
Red Cat
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born),
Elaine Myrtle Beach
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first),
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink),
The Navy Lemonade
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers),
Lawrence Edward
9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy),
Eternity Chocolate
10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ),
Ann Edward
11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter),
Thomas Tennessee
12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower).
Autumn Lilly
13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Watermelon Blousey
14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree),
Cereal Oak
15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”),
The blogging lightning tour

Now this was fun!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I will not forget

What happened on that day 6 years ago when our country lost so many precious lives to such a violent and senseless act. Our country also lost a great deal of our sense of security. We all came together that day and for quite some time after that regardless of age, race, religion or social status. We were UNITED. We mourned and cried together. There was a shortage of American flags, there was a sign in almost every business and car window. Many turned to the Lord to find answers. I'll never forget getting ready for work that morning and hearing about the first plane hitting the towers and then watching and listening the rest of the day as the horrors unfolded. I will never forget and I don't want to forget.

Since then our country is divided again far worse then we ever were before. I truly believe that United We Stand and Divided We Fall. This is what our enemy wants. They love that we don't agree. It's much easier that way. I realize that I'm rambling on and probably not making sense but I just couldn't let the day go by without remembering that terrible day. May God comfort those that mourn this day. May they know that I am out here and I will never forget what happened to their loved ones.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Wish me luck

I've decided to change jobs. It's the same kind of work. I'll still be supporting and implementing medical office software but for a smaller company. I have been at my current employer for 7 years and a couple of years ago a large corporation purchased us and it has never been the same. It's very "corporate" minded if that makes any sense.

I'm not a career woman, I work because hubby and I didn't start out as financially "smart" as we are now (yeah right). So now we/I pay the price by working outside the home. This company is in downtown Portland. Now, I am a country bumpkin from way back so this is going way outside my comfort zone. I will be riding Max (which is a train that will drop me off very close to the building I'll be in). I think it's going to be a good fit. I already know one gal that works there because I used to work with her and it's a smaller company (way less corporate).

I still like the place I work now as far as the people are concerned and I will be sad and miss them terribly. I think this is the right choice for me and my family. I'm hoping to use the commute to catch up on some reading and in particular some scripture reading, which is poorly lacking. I'm scared, nervous, happy, excited and all of that wrapped into one. So, as I said before, wish me luck :o)

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Did you ever wonder...

what green chalk tastes like? Yeah, me either but in case you were wondering, you could ask my son who decided to take a bite of it while out coloring on the patio. By the look on this face (I don't know why I didn't grab the camera) it didn't taste very good. He came running in to get a drink and try to get it off his tongue and when that didn't work he grabbed a paper towel, I shouldn't have but I couldn't help but laugh. What was he thinking? Did it look a little like the stuff in a pixie stick?

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

To party or not to party...that is the question

So, as you know if you read my blog my hubby is going to be baptised in a couple of weeks. We would like to have a small get-together after to celebrate this happy occasion. The problem is keeping it small. I have been in this ward for over 5 years so I know a lot of people that are very happy for hubby. When we started thinking about who to invite, the list quickly climbed to 50 people (including kids). A good friend has offered her place because it's much bigger than ours so we don't have to worry about that but we're not sure about having such a big celebration. There are so many people who have touched our lives and it would be hard to pick and choose who should come. Should we keep it simple and just go out with a few close friends for dinner? Should we throw caution to the wind and just have a big ol potluck? We don't want to detract from the spirit that day either. The baptism is at 4:00 p.m. so it will be dinnertime when we are done. Any ideas, comments, thoughts, free advice?

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Sometimes it's nice to be left behind

The last long weekend before school starts has left my town feeling a little barren and I'm kind of liking it. Bird (my son) and I went to the market this morning and it had far fewer people than normal so I didn't have to stand in a long line for my melons, berries or bread. We went to a double baptism for a couple of kids in my Primary class and it was very nice. Less cars on the road. We often go camping or to the beach for this weekend but I'm starting to think that staying behind and "holding the fort down" is the way to go. I'm now sitting here reading blogs and surfing the net while hubby plays football on the Wii and the Bird is reading his 1000 things to spot book. Music from my iTunes playing in the background. Long 3 day weekends are the best. I've said if before and I'll say it again. Life is SWEET!!!