Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Our journey to parenthood Part 2

Part 1 is here

I joined the church (a whole other story) in March of 2002 so that would have been close to six years that we had been trying. We decided that we would start looking into adoption. Private adoption through an agency was way outside our budget so we started looking at it through the state. The first thing you do is take a 6 week set of classes. We started the classes and in July of 02 we heard from my mom that one of my second cousins by marriage was pregnant and didn't want the baby. We were hopeful but knew that she was flakey so we didn't give it much more thought. About the 4th week into the classes we got a phone call. It was from the cousin I mentioned earlier. She said that she was pregnant and already had a 18 month old that she couldn't take care of, would we like to adopt the baby. I didn't skip a beat when I said "Yes, we will get an attorney tomorrow and give you a call" We did just that. First we called an attorney here in Oregon and he said that we would need an attorney in Kansas (where the birth mom lived) He helped us find one and we went from there.

We found out that our child was due sometime in November. We talked to the birth mom often and my sister who also lives in Kansas even let her stay with her towards the end and they would send pictures of her and ultrasound pictures of the baby. To say we were excited would have been a huge understatement. We found out that the baby was going to be a boy. My first thought was "a boy, I don't know what to do with a boy" then hubby said "Hello, I'm a boy, I might know a thing or two" LOL We couldn't believe it. Everything went very smoothly. We went through all the legal hoops. We made plans to be there for the birth. We had plane tickets in hand, set to arrive November 12 and she would be induced November 13th.

And then, the unthinkable happened. My dad passed away on November 11th. It was a total surprise and really could be it's own post. I was floored to say the least. My dad lived in Oklahoma at the time. We had to change our flights for the next day to arrive in Oklahoma instead of Kansas. We couldn't have the induction date changed, it was time for our son to be born. All I could do was send Tim to Kansas while I stayed in Oklahoma and buried my father. He didn't want to leave me as you can imagine but I made him. I wanted one of us to be there when our son was born. We gave new meaning to divide and conquer.

So, on the 13th of Nov, hubby left and went to be with the birth mom as she was induced. I stayed with the majority of my family and of course my mom. Hubby called me frequently as the labor progressed. I was trying to sleep on and off and at 1:00 a.m. on the 14th of November I got a phone call that our son was almost here. I stayed on the phone and heard the birth mother pushing and then I heard my husband say "He's here" I waited for what seemed like hours to hear his first cry. By this time, my mom and sister were awake and we were all listening and crying. Tears of joy, tears of sorrow, all mixed together. Tim got to cut the cord. I stayed on the phone with him for awhile just completely blown away. As you can imagine I didn't sleep much that night. Knowing that my son had been born and I was 4 hours away. Later on the 14th of November, I buried my father. One of the hardest things that I've had to do in my life. Right after the graveside service, my sister and brother-in-law were waiting to take me to meet my son. That was the longest 4 hour car ride of my life.

Mere words can't describe the feelings that I was having as we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Around 18 hours had passed since he came into this world. I was sure my heart would pound out of my chest as we rode up in the elevator. So many emotions swirling around in my head. So many things had happened in the last few days. As the elevator doors opened I thought that I might break out into a dead run. I knew that in a few short feet, I would meet my son for the first time. I could hold my husband, we would be a family at long last. I see Tim standing in the door waiting for me, holding what looks like a nicely wrapped, rather large burrito. Time stops as I see his face for the first time. Tears stream down my face as Tim places him in my arms and says "Here he is mom, your son". I can hardly see through the tears. Any doubt or fear that we might not bond was instantly gone. I knew that without a doubt this child was meant for us. As sure as if he had come out of my body, Heavenly Father sent him to me. This perfect little boy, all ten fingers and all ten toes. I wept tears of joy, tears of sorrow (for my father) , tears of relief, tears of exhaustion. Never had I thought you could have all these emotions at the same time.

We were able to stay with him in the room and before we left the hospital the papers had been signed by the birth mom. We had to stay in Kansas for 10 days until all the legal mumbo gumbo had been taken care of. The first few nights out of the hospital we stayed in a hotel. Just the 3 of us getting to know each other. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. Could he really be ours? Did someone make a mistake? You mean we get to keep him?

The paperwork was finalized in February of 03. He was officially ours. What a ride the last nearly 5 years have been. I love being a mom. I feel blessed to be his mother. He is a vibrant, loving, funny, extremely active, curious, outgoing, fearless, stubborn (must get that from his dad) little being and I am humbled that Heavenly Father entrusted him to our care.

I used to think that a woman was defined by her ability to bear children but I now know that giving birth is just the beginning of being a mother. It's much much more than that. I'm thankful to have been given the chance. I'm thankful to a young mom that realized that she couldn't handle it and gave us this most precious gift. Look up grateful in the dictionary, my picture will be there.


utmommy said...

What a wonderful story! I am so glad you got your son.

Kate said...

As a fellow infertility sufferer, I'm shedding happy tears about how you got your son . . . thank you so much for sharing that sweet story with us! :)

Laine said...

*Sob* (!!!!!!!!!!!) Beautiful. I can feel it all, and am so happy for you. Thank you so much for sharing your story!

b. said...

As a fellow adoptive mom....God is good.
Miracles abound!

Carrie said...

What a beautiful story! I love the part where you finally got to meet him and hold him. Thanks you for sharing this with us.

Yvonne said...

Tonya, what a beautiful story. You are so right--being a mom is more than just giving birth!!!

Thanks so much.

Blakes dad said...

Oh Ton-Knee,

You have GOT to quit posting stuff like that... It really makes me look bad when I've got tears streaming down my face at work, with a bunch of criminals...lol. We ARE truly blessed with our Son. Heavenly Father loves us all indeed, even when we do things that displease him. His love is incomprehensible. I know that Our (kinda cool to say it still) Church is TRUE, and I know that the love we have for each other, and for Blake is nowhere compared to the love of Heavenly Father....Can't wait to see what the next chapters bring....Are you going to talk about the "surgery"???

Your Big Bad Booty Spanking Daddy...(B.B.B.S.D.)

Thalia's Child said...

what a beautiful and bittersweet story.

Anonymous said...

hi tonya:
and you think you don't write very well sometimes???

wow, you said this perfectly tonya. you choked me up and i had to keep wiping away the tears of joy for you. this was so touching to read your story. just beautiful. thanks for moving me to tears tonight.

happy for you,

ps. and totally sweet how you said look up grateful in the dictionary and a pic of you is there.

Lammy said...

Simply beautiful.
Thanks so much for sharing this.

Melissa said...

So, the tears are running down my face and my heart is so full for you! What an amazing story! Thank you for sharing it with us :)

Corrine said...

What a wonderful story!! I don't even know you and I just am so happy for you, and I have tear stains down my cheeks. What a blessing!