Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Insomnia

How can I be so tired and not be able to fall asleep? Because I can't shut my mind up for anything tonight. It wants to solve all my problems and some of the worlds problems as well. It's now 10:43pm and I have to get up at 4:15am, 430am if I pull my hair back. No matter how you slice it, that is not going to be much sleep. Hopefully I can get some of my thoughts out here so I can get to sleep soon.

I have a friend that has been telling me that I'm burning the candle at both ends. The trouble is that I know that and most days it feels like the candle is going to burn me but I don't know how to fix it. You see, the things that are keeping me busy are good things by most standards. Church, PTO, family, friends, work etc. I'm probably no busier than most moms I know. I just need to find some kind of balance. I want so much to be everything to everyone but sometimes it feels that I'm loosing myself in the process. I keep thinking that next month will get better and things will slow down but it doesn't happen. Now the holidays are creeping up and instead of looking forward to them, I'm dreading the extra things they will put on my plate. That is just sad. I also don't like sounding like a whiner. Oh poor me, I have such a busy life..blah blah. Why does it seem that some people have it so together? What do they know that I don't? How do they the energy to get it all done and still make breakfast from scratch?

Work has also been hard. I am truly thankful that I have job when so many don't. I know this and yet I dread going in so much that I get cranky on Sunday afternoon at the thought of it. The work itself is okay but the people are a real challenge. I'm hoping to just bide my time until I can find somewhere else within the company. What I really need to do is go back to school and learn how to do something that I really want to do. But if you refer to paragraph #2, just where exactly am I going to fit that in? I want to be doing something that makes a difference in the lives of others. I want to work with people, not computers. I want to be a nurse or work in the medical field again in some capacity. I was truly the happiest when I was working in a hospital waking people up at all unearthly hours to draw their blood. It was not much but it made me feel like I was helping someone.

There are many more thoughts rolling around in my head but I've babbled and whined enough. Hopefully just offloading this much will help. I know it will all work out. I know that I am truly blessed in so many ways. This is what I need, no will, focus on.

8 comments:

Crazy Mom of Four said...

there with you! so much to do so little time and we wear ourselves thin...hard to find the balance isn't it!! Some time you just have to learn to say No to some things, its hard and I have a hard time doing it but at some point you can't do everything and you can't beat yourself up over it either, preaching to the choir...and when you figure out that mind shut off switch will you let me know :)

Yvonne said...

It's all about finding that balance, and that can be so tough. I'm with crazy mom of four--sometimes you just have to say no.

Nancy Face said...

What? People make breakfast from scratch? Who knew? My son gets cold cereal or frozen waffles! :)

No one can be everything to everyone. Sometimes it is beneficial to cut back on certain things. Church calling preparation is VERY important, but can it be simplified a bit? Can the PTO volunteer time be reduced a bit?

Saying no to extra things when you don't have the time for them is not a bad thing, and you can say it kindly. I've learned to do that, and it really helps! :)

Beth said...

Don't compare yourself to other moms. that's one of my big mistakes. We see other's illusions of perfection and compare it to our worst. Then we feel like real losers. But that's not real life. Learn to say no and do what needs to be done. And don't worry, we all feel overwhelmed often, and feel a lot better after we vent about it!

Lee said...

back when I first became a member of the church there was a little ditty going around. I have not heard it in some time.

Mary had a little lamb,
it grew into a sheep.
Then injoined the Momron Church
and died from lack of sleep

Kimberly said...

Good for you for putting this into words - it can help sort through the mess. Really hope you find that ever elusive balance...we get tastes of it sometimes I think, and that helps us keep going. ~hugs~

Leslie Podwys said...

I struggle with that a lot. Feelings of being so overwhelmed and discouraged. Seems like you are feeling better. I really enjoyed your testimony the other day, and I was about to stand up and shout hooray with you, and remembered where we were. phew! just in time, but I was still rejoicing inside. I know I was talking to you the other day about the time my waffle maker broke, so I can't remember if I had mentioned that, and if I did, we only make homemade breakfast on Saturday, and sometimes we'll do it for dinner, just to get it in. but most of the time it's cold cereal and we'll have that for dinner a lot too. :) I admire all the great work you do!

Clement Family said...

ambien......