How can I be so tired and not be able to fall asleep? Because I can't shut my mind up for anything tonight. It wants to solve all my problems and some of the worlds problems as well. It's now 10:43pm and I have to get up at 4:15am, 430am if I pull my hair back. No matter how you slice it, that is not going to be much sleep. Hopefully I can get some of my thoughts out here so I can get to sleep soon.
I have a friend that has been telling me that I'm burning the candle at both ends. The trouble is that I know that and most days it feels like the candle is going to burn me but I don't know how to fix it. You see, the things that are keeping me busy are good things by most standards. Church, PTO, family, friends, work etc. I'm probably no busier than most moms I know. I just need to find some kind of balance. I want so much to be everything to everyone but sometimes it feels that I'm loosing myself in the process. I keep thinking that next month will get better and things will slow down but it doesn't happen. Now the holidays are creeping up and instead of looking forward to them, I'm dreading the extra things they will put on my plate. That is just sad. I also don't like sounding like a whiner. Oh poor me, I have such a busy life..blah blah. Why does it seem that some people have it so together? What do they know that I don't? How do they the energy to get it all done and still make breakfast from scratch?
Work has also been hard. I am truly thankful that I have job when so many don't. I know this and yet I dread going in so much that I get cranky on Sunday afternoon at the thought of it. The work itself is okay but the people are a real challenge. I'm hoping to just bide my time until I can find somewhere else within the company. What I really need to do is go back to school and learn how to do something that I really want to do. But if you refer to paragraph #2, just where exactly am I going to fit that in? I want to be doing something that makes a difference in the lives of others. I want to work with people, not computers. I want to be a nurse or work in the medical field again in some capacity. I was truly the happiest when I was working in a hospital waking people up at all unearthly hours to draw their blood. It was not much but it made me feel like I was helping someone.
There are many more thoughts rolling around in my head but I've babbled and whined enough. Hopefully just offloading this much will help. I know it will all work out. I know that I am truly blessed in so many ways. This is what I need, no will, focus on.