To blog or not to blog...that is the question

When I first started this blog, it was to help me keep some kind of journal of life in the Kelley house. I was very faithful in the beginning and posted several times a week. I have posted a few things here and there that we were purely for having the stories down in writing. But mostly it was just things like vacations, birthdays, milestones in Blake's like, ramblings here and there etc.

Over the last couple of years I have started to taper off in my writing. From several times a week to now it's twice a month if I'm lucky. I am starting to wonder if I am doing it justice. There are only a handful of people that read my blog and most of them I either know if real life or have become close enough to that I have them as Facebook friends (facebook: a whole other story) Anywho, where was I? Oh yes, to blog or not to blog. That is the question. I do have to say that this is the longest I have ever kept any kind of journal at all. On the other hand, I really hesitate in writing some of my true feelings because of the people that I know are reading. So am I giving just a glossed over version of my family and life? I think it would be different if I had family that lived far away and read my blog but I don't and the few that I do keep in touch with, are on Facebook now.

So, do I keep the blog and just keep it like it has been? Do I go private so I can blog about some of my innermost thoughts and know that it's really more of a personal journal? I've heard that some people have both a blog like this and then a private blog where they keep their more private thoughts. If I can't keep up with one blog then I surely can't keep up with 2. I wish I were better about keeping a written journal. I truly do want my posterity to have some kind of history. I would love to have journals written by my parents through the years.

I realize that I'm rambling but hey, it's my blog and I can ramble if I want to right? If some of my family reads this in the future, they should know the real me and the real me...rambles.

Insomnia

How can I be so tired and not be able to fall asleep? Because I can't shut my mind up for anything tonight. It wants to solve all my problems and some of the worlds problems as well. It's now 10:43pm and I have to get up at 4:15am, 430am if I pull my hair back. No matter how you slice it, that is not going to be much sleep. Hopefully I can get some of my thoughts out here so I can get to sleep soon.

I have a friend that has been telling me that I'm burning the candle at both ends. The trouble is that I know that and most days it feels like the candle is going to burn me but I don't know how to fix it. You see, the things that are keeping me busy are good things by most standards. Church, PTO, family, friends, work etc. I'm probably no busier than most moms I know. I just need to find some kind of balance. I want so much to be everything to everyone but sometimes it feels that I'm loosing myself in the process. I keep thinking that next month will get better and things will slow down but it doesn't happen. Now the holidays are creeping up and instead of looking forward to them, I'm dreading the extra things they will put on my plate. That is just sad. I also don't like sounding like a whiner. Oh poor me, I have such a busy life..blah blah. Why does it seem that some people have it so together? What do they know that I don't? How do they the energy to get it all done and still make breakfast from scratch?

Work has also been hard. I am truly thankful that I have job when so many don't. I know this and yet I dread going in so much that I get cranky on Sunday afternoon at the thought of it. The work itself is okay but the people are a real challenge. I'm hoping to just bide my time until I can find somewhere else within the company. What I really need to do is go back to school and learn how to do something that I really want to do. But if you refer to paragraph #2, just where exactly am I going to fit that in? I want to be doing something that makes a difference in the lives of others. I want to work with people, not computers. I want to be a nurse or work in the medical field again in some capacity. I was truly the happiest when I was working in a hospital waking people up at all unearthly hours to draw their blood. It was not much but it made me feel like I was helping someone.

There are many more thoughts rolling around in my head but I've babbled and whined enough. Hopefully just offloading this much will help. I know it will all work out. I know that I am truly blessed in so many ways. This is what I need, no will, focus on.

You might be stressed if....

You have a meltdown and burst into tears while sitting in the dentists office chair as they tell you how much it's going to cost to fix your tooth. Not that I would know or anything..*sigh*

Okay, so maybe I've been a teency weency..okay okay hugely stressed the last 2 or 3 months. Now, don't get me wrong. Much of it has been good stress. Such as church callings, a new job, t-ball, getting ready for kindergarten, my husband being ordained to the Melchizedek priesthood (wow, what an experience and a topic for another post altogether). But it turns out that your body doesn't really care whether it's good stress or bad stress. It just knows that something has got to give. For me, it gave while sitting in the dentist chair after being told that my tooth was broken and it would be over $400 to fix it. Not exactly where I wanted to be when the dam broke. That's exactly what it felt like. Luckily the dentist office that I go to is wonderful and they were so kind to me. Which actually made it worse. The more someone cares, the more I cry.

The end result was that it was good to get that cry out and I feel better already. I forced myself to go on a trip to the cannery with some really good friends and I feel the blessings as well a stitch or two in my side from all the laughter. Good times and good friends.

I can scarcely describe the feeling in my home these days with the Priesthood in it. It is more than ever my true safe haven in the storm of life. It sounds silly but it's true. The Lord has wrought some mighty miracles in my life and for this I am truly grateful.

How's that for a babbling post..LOL

P.S. We got home super late last night and hubby was worried that we had been in an accident or something. This seemed sweet until he told me that he realized as he lay there sick with worry that I don't have life insurance for the next 3 months until my benefits kick in. I know, it's like something out of a love story right?

P.S.S. Did I mention that I had 4 hours of sleep last night and I'm going to bed now. Now being 8:30 p.m.

I should be sleeping

It's 12:32 a.m. and here I am sitting at the computer instead of sleeping. Do I have a day off tomorrow and so I'm living it up our here in cyberspace? Ummm...no. I just can't sleep and I have to be up and in the shower at 4:00 a.m. This is the pits. I have tried every trick I know and it's just not working. So here I am....let the rambling begin.

We are in the process of trying to find a dog for out family. I've never really had dogs but I like them and hubs and Blake have been wanting one for a long time. We're trying really hard not to get one on a impulse. We want to make sure it fits our family.

Part of the reason I can't sleep is because I can't get my mind to shut off. I keep running through all the things in my life that just aren't getting done. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get it all under control.

Blake is starting to take an interest in learning to read so we bought Hooked on Phonics. He's started to try to sound out words wherever we are and it's so cute. We were in the store today and he was trying to sound out Pharmacy. As I try to help him learn this skill I wonder how any of us learn to read with all these different rules in the English language. It's so fun to see his mind just working away as he tries to figure it all out.

Well, I guess that it's for now. I'm going back to bed to try again. Some sleep is better than none right?